Resolved

Today's passage:  Ephesians 2:10
      I have known that for a while an explanation post should be given as to why I have not written anything for these past few months.  The truth is, I haven't really known how to explain.  It's not that I don't think people will understand, I just couldn't really put into words why I chose this self-imposed break.  It's still difficult for me to try and explain, and I am not sure I will satisfy anyone's questions even after this post.  First and foremost, I have not been sick or ailing in any way.  My health has been fine.  I have had some new responsibilities (we recently became owners of a dog--just think fourth kid) but not enough to interfere or compound my usual day.    I did not find this tedious or overwhelming.  I didn't just become bored and give it up.  In fact, all the opposite is true.  I have loved waking up early each morning to study God's Word and writing what He has done.  I am a creative being and I tend to thrive on those things.  I think God made us all to be creative--in different ways.
      I understand the angst that comes to being creative.  Some people do not view what they do as creative, but creativity comes in many forms.  I say this because in recent months I've seen this surge in our society that equates creativity with fame.  And if the fame comes from being creative, then those people are really something special.  I take issue with that.  It irks me when I watch these reality competitions and the contestants explain that their real motive for doing this thing is for their kids.  Is anyone really convinced of that?  I know I'm not.  It's a noble attempt at trying to defend why you would leave your family for months so that you can be discovered.  Am I being snarky?  Probably a little.  I just think that there are a lot of people out there who think that they have something special to offer the world and if the world only knew about them, lives would be changed.  They say things like, "I just have to do this, it is in me, and I can't imagine my life without (singing, designing, acting, cooking, dancing, etc...)"  Believe me, to some extent I understand what they are saying.  Like I said, I get the angst thing.  Sometimes I feel it too.  And I began to wonder if that was what I was doing in my home.  Waiting to be discovered.  Was I writing for the Lord, or was I writing for me?  Was I writing because I want someone to hear about God's Word, or was I writing because I want to be published?  I mean, I am an aspiring writer.  I don't consider myself a real one yet because I haven't sold anything.
     It seemed that no matter how early I would get up each morning, I could not complete a post before my oldest son was getting up and getting ready for school.  No matter what time of morning, I was still working on this when he was pouring himself cereal and eating breakfast.  I was still typing while he was brushing his teeth.  I was still adding finishing touches while he was wondering what he was going to wear that day because I hadn't helped pick out his clothes yet.  He is eight, and some of those things he needs to do on his own, it is part of growing up and learning how to be independent.  But I started to wonder if I wasn't being like those people who go on those reality shows for months and months.  Was I doing that from my own home? So, I decided that I should stop for a while.  I really wish that someone would follow up with those reality show winners.  Were their lives improved?  Were their children happier, or sadder because their parent has been pulled away more by the fame in their life?  Was it better for them now that money was no object or did it make them more spoiled?
     The verse in Ephesians says that we are created unto good works.  We are God's workmanship.  He didn't create me to be famous.  He created me to be a mother and wife to my family.  He created me to be a testimony to others around me.  He created me to be a worker in my church.  And maybe one of those ways to be a testimony is to write, but not at the expense of my family.  I might pop in here from time to time.  There may be days that I write something, but there will probably be many days I do not.  If I feel I can accomplish a post within a reasonable amount of time that will not interfere in caring for my husband and kids, I may do that.  I thank all of you who in recent months have sent me a message or asked me, "Hey, why aren't you writing that blog anymore?"  It amazes me every time when someone says they had been reading, that something here spoke to them.   That is all God, and none of me (I pray).  I'm not writing regularly because I don't enjoy it.  In fact, I probably enjoy it too much, and that is why I need to limit myself.  God gives us seasons in our lives, and I would not want to pass up this season I have been given.  It is a season to share Bible stories with my four year old, who begs to hear them in the car.  It is a season to hold my sweet two year old when he wakes up in the morning.  It is a season to listen as my eight year old plays a piano piece and asks if he is playing it correctly.  It is a sweet season, and one I will never get back.  I take that very seriously.  It has been a season for me to search deep and think hard about why I do the things I do.  And if it selfishly motivated, I don't want any part in it.  You may find me here again, but not as often.  It doesn't mean I won't be in the Word, it just means I won't be taking hours writing about it.  Thank you to all of you who have read and commented and encouraged.  It has been a blessing to me, as I hope this has been a blessing to you.   Until next time, whenever that may be....