Resolved

Today's passage:  Ephesians 2:10
      I have known that for a while an explanation post should be given as to why I have not written anything for these past few months.  The truth is, I haven't really known how to explain.  It's not that I don't think people will understand, I just couldn't really put into words why I chose this self-imposed break.  It's still difficult for me to try and explain, and I am not sure I will satisfy anyone's questions even after this post.  First and foremost, I have not been sick or ailing in any way.  My health has been fine.  I have had some new responsibilities (we recently became owners of a dog--just think fourth kid) but not enough to interfere or compound my usual day.    I did not find this tedious or overwhelming.  I didn't just become bored and give it up.  In fact, all the opposite is true.  I have loved waking up early each morning to study God's Word and writing what He has done.  I am a creative being and I tend to thrive on those things.  I think God made us all to be creative--in different ways.
      I understand the angst that comes to being creative.  Some people do not view what they do as creative, but creativity comes in many forms.  I say this because in recent months I've seen this surge in our society that equates creativity with fame.  And if the fame comes from being creative, then those people are really something special.  I take issue with that.  It irks me when I watch these reality competitions and the contestants explain that their real motive for doing this thing is for their kids.  Is anyone really convinced of that?  I know I'm not.  It's a noble attempt at trying to defend why you would leave your family for months so that you can be discovered.  Am I being snarky?  Probably a little.  I just think that there are a lot of people out there who think that they have something special to offer the world and if the world only knew about them, lives would be changed.  They say things like, "I just have to do this, it is in me, and I can't imagine my life without (singing, designing, acting, cooking, dancing, etc...)"  Believe me, to some extent I understand what they are saying.  Like I said, I get the angst thing.  Sometimes I feel it too.  And I began to wonder if that was what I was doing in my home.  Waiting to be discovered.  Was I writing for the Lord, or was I writing for me?  Was I writing because I want someone to hear about God's Word, or was I writing because I want to be published?  I mean, I am an aspiring writer.  I don't consider myself a real one yet because I haven't sold anything.
     It seemed that no matter how early I would get up each morning, I could not complete a post before my oldest son was getting up and getting ready for school.  No matter what time of morning, I was still working on this when he was pouring himself cereal and eating breakfast.  I was still typing while he was brushing his teeth.  I was still adding finishing touches while he was wondering what he was going to wear that day because I hadn't helped pick out his clothes yet.  He is eight, and some of those things he needs to do on his own, it is part of growing up and learning how to be independent.  But I started to wonder if I wasn't being like those people who go on those reality shows for months and months.  Was I doing that from my own home? So, I decided that I should stop for a while.  I really wish that someone would follow up with those reality show winners.  Were their lives improved?  Were their children happier, or sadder because their parent has been pulled away more by the fame in their life?  Was it better for them now that money was no object or did it make them more spoiled?
     The verse in Ephesians says that we are created unto good works.  We are God's workmanship.  He didn't create me to be famous.  He created me to be a mother and wife to my family.  He created me to be a testimony to others around me.  He created me to be a worker in my church.  And maybe one of those ways to be a testimony is to write, but not at the expense of my family.  I might pop in here from time to time.  There may be days that I write something, but there will probably be many days I do not.  If I feel I can accomplish a post within a reasonable amount of time that will not interfere in caring for my husband and kids, I may do that.  I thank all of you who in recent months have sent me a message or asked me, "Hey, why aren't you writing that blog anymore?"  It amazes me every time when someone says they had been reading, that something here spoke to them.   That is all God, and none of me (I pray).  I'm not writing regularly because I don't enjoy it.  In fact, I probably enjoy it too much, and that is why I need to limit myself.  God gives us seasons in our lives, and I would not want to pass up this season I have been given.  It is a season to share Bible stories with my four year old, who begs to hear them in the car.  It is a season to hold my sweet two year old when he wakes up in the morning.  It is a season to listen as my eight year old plays a piano piece and asks if he is playing it correctly.  It is a sweet season, and one I will never get back.  I take that very seriously.  It has been a season for me to search deep and think hard about why I do the things I do.  And if it selfishly motivated, I don't want any part in it.  You may find me here again, but not as often.  It doesn't mean I won't be in the Word, it just means I won't be taking hours writing about it.  Thank you to all of you who have read and commented and encouraged.  It has been a blessing to me, as I hope this has been a blessing to you.   Until next time, whenever that may be....

Lend Me Your Ears

Today's passage:  II Samuel 22:1-7
     "When the waves of death compassed me, the floods of ungodly men made me afraid;  The sorrows of hell compassed me about; the snares of death prevented me; In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God:  and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears."
     Men are often accused of having selective hearing.  They heard "football game on TV" but not "Please ask son's teacher about such and such".  But I'm sorry to throw us under the bus ladies, I know I have it too.  Especially when I'm in the middle of doing something.  When my husband says to turn off the coffee pot warmer before I leave the house so the coffee doesn't burn, I heard what he said.  But apparently I didn't process it and really let it sink in.  Because what did I do the other day, right after he said it?  I left the house for numerous hours with the coffee pot warmer still on.  I'm fortunate to be married to a very laid-back, easygoing husband who never gives me criticism.  And I deserve a lot, I'm afraid.
   The end of verse 7 says David's cry entered into God's ears.  God always hears our prayers.  I could be wrong, but the verse that says God doesn't hear our prayer if I regard iniquity in my heart, doesn't mean He doesn't actually hear us.  He just isn't paying attention and will not answer.  Does that mean God has selective hearing too?  I guess when we refuse to relent of some sin in our life that He has pointed out to us time and time again, it does.  I suppose when we ask for something, and we are too stubborn or proud to say "I'm sorry", God ignores us.  But in the above verses, God didn't just hear David.  His prayer went into God's ears.  And unless sin is blocking our way, God always intently hears our prayers.  Have you ever been in a conversation, and had the sense that the person you were talking to was distracted, or that you didn't have their full attention?  I know sometimes I have been that person.  And I hate that because I really want to hear what the person is saying, but if my two year old is about to poke himself in the eye with a sharp object or my four year old is climbing yet again on some non-sturdy structure, my attention is going to be a little divided.  God has a whole world to listen to, but He is not once distracted by his children who are involved in some ungodly activity while another who needs His help is pouring out prayers over her little one.  He can equally hear the prayers going up at a church service and the prayers going up at the hospital.  And He doesn't just hear one and listen to the other.  They both enter into His ears.

Hear My Prayer--Taken from Standard Bible Story Readers, Book One
By Lillie A. Faris, Illustrated by O.A. Stemler and Bess Bruce Cleaveland
The Standard Publishing Company, 1925

     This is great assurance because like David, I'm living in a "flood of ungodly men".  This sinful world gets worse every day.  News stories are evidence of that. It isn't going to improve. Things might improve for individuals if they give their lives to Christ, but as a nation, as a planet, conditions will grow steadily worse.  It is a good thing that a prayer of salvation enters into God's ears and He can deliver a person from the "sorrows of hell" and the "snares of death".  It is a comfort that when I feel surrounded by sin and darkness, when evil is prevalent and engulfs me, God doesn't just hear me, my prayer enters into His ears and He will answer.
    "I will call on the LORD, who is worthy to be praised:  so shall I be saved from mine enemies."  II Samuel 22:4

Tall Tale Two

Today's passage:  II Samuel 21:15-22
     David is not a young man anymore.  I have to respect that he still goes out to battle with his men.  Maybe after the incident with Bathsheba, he determined that he would never stay home for a battle again.  Only nowadays, David's age is starting to show.  His sword feels heavier, difficult to wield.  His steps more uncertain, wobbly even.  He is not agile as he was in his youth.  He has to sit down to rest more.  But when do you have a chance to rest during a battle?  As much as his men probably appreciate having their king willing to lay down his own life in these attempts, he's slowing them down.  He has become more of a hindrance than an asset.
     In this passage, the Philistines continue to harass the Israelites.  They will never believe that Israel has a right to all that land.  They will never believe that Israel has a more powerful God.  He may have been more powerful on the day Goliath was killed, but that was only one day.  Goliath's brother and I assume a few of his sons (they are referred to as the sons of the giant) have a personal vendetta against David.  Goliath's brother would not forget that day.  I don't know how old Goliath's sons may have been at the time, but if they were not old enough to see their father fall, they had heard their uncle's version numerous times.  Here, they had the opportunity to personally see their dreams of destroying David realized.  And Ishbi-benob, the one son, nearly accomplishes it.  It says he was "girded with a new sword" and I'm not sure if that means this is his first arena of battle or if he had his weapon freshened for this occasion. Venom is flowing from this man.  He blames David for the years without his father.  He had no more learned the lesson than Goliath had.  The problems the Philistines had were not Israel's fault (See A Truly Tall Tale).  Now it would have made a great movie reel if David destroyed all these enemies.  But I think his fighting days are over.  He has mighty men to do that job for him.  And they do an excellent job.

David faces Goliath with his sling--Taken from Standard Bible Story Reader, Book Three
By Lillie A. Faris, Illustrated by O.A. Stemler and Bess Bruce Cleaveland
The Standard Publishing Company, 1926 

     But it makes me wonder.  How must David have felt?  There he is, back against the rocks, unable to really defend himself anymore.  He braces himself for the blow of the sword when the giant topples over.  One of David's mighty men has rescued him.  In his younger days, David would have been the rescuer.  He had been Israel's hero.  Being king seemed infinitely more significant, but people did not always love kings.  They always loved heroes.  Perhaps knowing Goliath's kin would be in this fight is all the more reason David decided to show up.  Maybe he thought he could recapture the glory days when he had first become a national figure.  When the country was singing about his killing Saul's ten thousands.  Now somebody was killing David's ten thousands.  Did it make him sympathize with Saul a little bit?  Did he understand Saul's jealousy of a younger warrior?
     David was beginning to understand that God had already used his past, he would not get that back.  His present was a little messed up.  Failures had caused complications for him.  But there was still his future.  Could an old man do anything for God?  Any man (or woman) no matter the age can do something for God, if they are yielded to Him.  I started to realize I was getting older as a counselor in the youth group when I was grumpy after overnight lock-ins.  I used to love that kind of thing (when I was younger).  I know I'm getting older when make-up doesn't hide the laugh lines anymore, when plucking gray hairs now takes longer than if I would just cover them up, when amusement park rides give me more vertigo than butterflies.
     David's future is a question mark.  It doesn't mean he is finished.  It doesn't mean his best years are behind him, it just means his youngest years are.  Realizing youth is past is not a pleasant discovery.  I'm still reconciling myself to the fact that I'm middle-aged.  I feel younger than I look.  But I wouldn't trade the maturity and wisdom I have gained as I have gotten older.  And though David has had a lot of regret, I'm guessing he has learned a lot and wouldn't trade those experiences either.

Prayer and Purpose

Today's passage:  II Samuel 21:1-14
    In college I worked at a highly popular fast food restaurant. Because of my school schedule, I worked many different shifts.  One year I worked early mornings from open until mid-afternoon.  The next year, I worked mostly evenings from late-afternoon until closing.  Since I was one of the few workers that had actually worked both shifts, I was privy to hearing the blame game.  When I worked mornings and something was undone, it was a tendency of my co-workers to say, "Oh, that didn't get done because of the closing crew."  When something was left unfinished in the evenings, those on that shift would often say,  "The morning crew never completes that."  Sure, there was the occasional time when you would see somebody doing nothing, but since we were the only golden arches that served many of the small towns in the area, and we were a lunch stop on the way to Branson, Missouri we kept pretty busy.  I was always the type of person that thought, instead of complaining about the undone job, just do it.  I know its more work, but so what?  Work is never evenly divided.
      I don't see David complaining a lot. Unlike the king before him, he takes responsibility for the way he has failed God.   After all he has been through so far, now God sends a famine in the land.  After three years, David decides to ask God about it.  Perhaps, in the beginning, David just attributed the famine to lack of rain or a weather cycle that would pass.  Some summers are particularly dry, some years a lot less precipitation.  Another year goes by and David is probably figuring out that this much time without rain is a little unusual.  By the third year, David recognizes something supernatural is going on here.  When David asks God why He is sending this famine, God tells him it is because of a sin Saul committed against the Gibeonites.  David could have told God this was not fair.  After all, he was not the one to break the treaty (one Joshua had established) with the Gibeonites, that was the last king.  Why should he be held responsible for the failures of his predecessor?  It's called leadership.  And guess what?  Every leader has to deal with the failings of the last presidency, er, leader.  David could have whined and complained about this for another couple years while his people continued to starve and while the rain still did not come.  Instead, he decides to solve the problem.  He offers a solution to the Gibeonites (an unfortunate one I am afraid) to appease their wrath, and guess what?  God sends rain.  Leaders find solutions.  Incompetent leaders complain about the problems handed to them.  It irks me when presidents or prime ministers complain about past problems mostly because they chose to run for that office knowing full well the problems facing them.  David had not asked to be king.  David did not campaign his way onto the throne.  God selected him which means he would have even more reason to murmur about this new situation.  But he doesn't.  He leads.  And that is something I've not seen a lot lately in our own country.
     I know this is a little more political than my usual post, but David's leadership style challenges me to think more positively when God allows difficulties in my life, especially ones not of my own making.  How does God want me to handle it?  Moan and groan like Saul, or pray and purpose like David?  Looking throughout history, I would say that most leaders fall into one of these two categories, and judging from the past, I think we can deduce which style has been most productive.  Complaining about things does not solve anything.  Blaming others does not resolve issues.  David witnessed that in the man who came before him, and he determined to be different.  He accepted the challenges put in his path and forged new ones.  With all his failings, David led his people, right or wrong.  With all his faults, David accepted the problems given to him and found solutions.  He didn't always do it the right way, but at least he did something, and he didn't place the blame on anyone else. I think we all could stand a little help in that department.

Opposed and Oppressed

Today's passage: II Samuel 20
     I'm not going to deny it.  I have put off writing about this chapter.  I seriously have been stuck.  It is excessively violent.  I'm not sure movies I've watched are as violent as what I'm reading here.  I shudder, I cringe, I wish I could just skip this chapter completely.  And I could.  I don't think anyone pays that close attention that they would notice I decided not to post what I learned here.  But I know, and I feel like when I don't write about a passage, maybe I am saying God couldn't teach me anything through it.  And He always teaches me something.
    For instance, the man mentioned in the first verse of the chapter, Sheba, a Benjamite, which would have meant he was a relative of Saul absolutely denounces David's leadership.  He encourages the rest of his tribe to do the same.  The Bible calls him a "man of Belial".  Now, God commanded Israel very particularly how to handle children of Belial.  And I'm not certain if Sheba was deemed this because he was rebelling against God's anointed, King David, or if he was involved in occultist behavior to be labeled a son of Satan.  In either case, Deuteronomy 13:12-18 gives specific charge as to how to handle these types of people.  The Israelites were to make certain that people accused of this behavior were authentic (unlike the Salem witch trials of old) and if so, they were to slay them with the sword, destroy all their livestock and belongings, make a bonfire with any of their possessions in the midst of the village and see to it that any trace of them was consumed.  Does this seem a little extreme?  For someone who has never dealt with Satanic power, it may.  I have heard on more than one occasion that when Satan has a foothold in someone's home, especially someone who had been dealing with him directly, every item they possessed was a portal to allow his demonic powers to have reign.  God always knows what He is doing.  If He said to destroy everything that person had dealings with, I think I would obey that command, because God created Satan, and He knows what He is capable of.  This also makes me wonder about Saul's whole family.  He had trouble with evil spirits, he visited the witch at En-dor, it makes me wonder if the Benjamites had a history with the occult. If they did, it could explain Saul's constant struggle with those powers. If he couldn't be free of them, it could mean that he still had something in his possession, something that was a doorway for those dark, evil, oppressions he had been experiencing.  I've heard a lot about this kind of stuff lately.  Satan has no power over us, but don't think he can't mess with us a little bit.  He certainly can.  His power is real, and though not more powerful than God, he has dominion over this world, and therefore, can manipulate the things of this earth by his choosing.  If the Benjamites were often involved in these types of activities, it might be why David commmanded his generals to go after Sheba.  He concludes that "Now shall Sheba the son of Bichri do us more harm than did Absalom".

     So David dispenses his men to go after this son of Belial.  In the midst of this is a vengeful Joab.  Amasa is the one David chooses to lead up this expedition against Sheba.  I'm guessing his relationship with Joab has never been the same since Absalom's death.  David choosing Amasa , who aided Absalom, was an even greater insult to his former general.  Joab never forgets an enemy.  He had not forgotten that Amasa chose to work with those against the king.  He would not allow this to stand.  David may have forgiven Amasa, but Joab certainly would not.  And in true Joab style, he kills Amasa.  But this is not just a soldier against soldier killing.  This is a vengeful, make the enemy suffer type of death.  I would rather not describe it.  The Bible does a fine job on its own.  Let's just say Amasa's death is so horrific that others going by can not help but stare in disbelief.  His body actually becomes a distraction to the rest of the regiment pursuing Sheba.  Someone was finally wise enough to move and cover this distraction.
     Joab takes charge of the campaign and comes to the city that is harboring Sheba.  The inhabitants do not want war, especially not with Joab.  His name has become a name to be feared. The passage says "a wise woman out of the the city" confers with Joab about why he wants to destroy their fine city.  Joab assures her that is not his desire, but they will accomplish their mission and that is to fetch Sheba.  The woman determines that the city will handle Sheba.  Again, another description of his demise by the citizens of the city.  The objective was achieved.
     There is really no excuse for Joab's behavior towards Amasa.  He viewed him as a threat and an enemy.  I think it was more that he viewed him as a rival as the king's adviser.  Joab may think that eliminating other counselors or generals will heal the relationship with David.  But he is wrong.  That can only heal with the miracle of forgiveness.  I'm not saying it would be a miracle for David to forgive.  I'm saying that forgiveness is a miracle in itself when it can mend a broken relationship between a king who has lost his rebellious son, and the general who has taken the rebellious son's life and who has continuously disobeyed his king.  I don't see how this relationship can be mended.  But forgiveness is powerful when we choose to use it. Do I think Joab deserves forgiveness?  From a human perspective, no.  He has been given many, many chances.  But so have I.  I don't deserve any of the forgiveness I have been granted either.  May I ever be mindful of God's great forgiveness to me every day.

A Mary Heart

Today's passage:  Luke 2:16-17
     We were given an advent calendar a couple of years ago.  In years past, I have filled it with sweets and treats.  This year I decided to do something a little different.  Behind each door I put in a slip of paper that  I've typed up a verse of the Christmas story.  And then I have included a task or a treat that would connect to that part of the story.  For example, for the verses about Mary and Joseph having to go to Bethlehem to be taxed, I gave them each a dollar explaining that whatever they bought with it, they would need to consider the tax that would be included. If they chose to use it on a vending machine, they would have to pay Mommy and Daddy the tax amount on the item.  When I typed up the verse about the shepherds telling everyone they knew, I put a gospel tract inside the doors and asked them to hand it to somebody that needed to hear about Jesus this week.  Of course there has been a little bit of grumbling that there has not been a treat behind each door, but I have explained to them that Christmas is about Christ.  All this other stuff is fun and exciting, but Christ's birth is the reason for the celebration.

Mary Kept These Things in Her Heart--Taken from Standard Bible Story Readers, Book One
By Lillie A. Faris, Illustrated by O. A. Stemler and Bess Bruce Cleaveland
The Standard Publishing Company, 1925

     As I have been reading and typing up the passage in Luke 2, something occurred to me.  After the shepherds went and told everyone they could find about the Christ child, it stands to reason that at least a few of those people might want to check out their story.  Either they didn't believe when they were told this news and continued on with their business, or they said, "I've got to go see what these guys are talking about."  This could mean only one thing.  Mary and Joseph would not have gotten any sleep that night.  They had journeyed all that day, Mary had just given birth, and from that moment on they had visitors all the night.  They didn't need a room in the inn, because they weren't going to enjoy a cozy bed anyhow.  Now, if I were Mary I would have grumbled and complained about this.  At some point in the night I would have pleaded with Joseph to turn any other visitors away because I was exhausted.  If I had been Mary, I would have been thinking, if we hadn't been stuck in this barn, I could be sleeping right now.  Instead, I have to make small talk with strangers when all I really want to do is sleep.  Maybe Mary had those thoughts, but was too gracious to utter them.  Maybe every visitor that came by, she secretly wished was the last so she could get some rest.  Somehow, I don't think so because she "pondered them in her heart".  Mary understood what it was really all about.  This was not any ordinary baby.  This was not any ordinary birth.  This was the arrival of God Himself. If Mary had any of those selfish thoughts, she was able to fling them aside because it was far more important to allow the world to see who had just made His debut on this earth.
     Physically, she would have been completely depleted.  Of course, it was God coming into the world, maybe she had the easiest labor on record.  If it was, she would be in for a real surprise when she gave birth to her future children.  Just another way for those brothers and sisters to be compared to their perfect big brother.  God knew Mary's heart.  He knew how she would handle the pressure of being ridiculed through the whole pregnancy.  He knew that she would not be thinking about herself when the time came for the baby to be born.  He knew that she had a servant's heart, that she was willing to do what was necessary to see God's plan carried out.  Many faiths give too much credence to Mary.  Some faiths don't give her enough.  This was a remarkable woman.  She really exemplifies selflessness.  The trials of scorn and scoffing when people first learned she was pregnant.  The fear of losing the man she loved, because how was he supposed to understand this?  Traveling on a donkey while probably having contractions, but being willing to finish the journey because God had a particular place in mind when His Son would be born.  She had no idea that particular place would be in a stable.  And now a sleepless night, smiling and chatting with countless people.  Maybe she yawned here and there, it could hardly be helped, but sharing her Child with the world, remembering that this was the One so many had been waiting for their entire lives.  Mary's story started long before an angel's visit.  God was working in this young lady for years before that, and she must have displayed a surrendered heart time and time again for God to select her for this special privilege.  She had no idea the full extent of what she was surrendering to, when she agreed to God's plan.  But she bore it all with such grace and example.  If we could have a smidgen of the fortitude and willingness that was in that young lady's heart, we would get so much more accomplished for the Kingdom.
     It's hard to give ourselves to everything God wants us to do.  It is emotionally and physically exhausting sometimes.  Just yesterday, our pastor reiterated that the ministry is not about us.  Mary really got that.  Was it inconvenient to give birth in a stable?  Absolutely.  Was it a nuisance to have people coming by throughout the night?  I think it must have been.  But the whole reason she said yes to God was for this moment.  And maybe this moment wasn't exactly what she had envisioned, but she knew it was not about her.  It was about this new life she had just brought into the world.  Could God have selected me if I were living during that time?  Highly unlikely.  Mary did not have any supernatural powers that allowed her to have a more willing heart than mine.  She just understood that some of the most important things in life, are the hardest.  And she was willing to put up with some inconvenience to see God's plan through.  If I gripe about not getting a good night's rest, I obviously still don't get it.  And when I see Mary's attitude, I see I still have a lot of work to do on my own.